It's Time to Weed

Last night I was heading back from a trip up north to the redwoods when I heard a local radio broadcaster say:  “Hey folks, you know one good thing about these torrential rains we’ve been having? That it’s a perfect time to weed”.

Hmmm, I thought. He’s actually right. He proceeded to explain how the huge influx of water is ideal for loosing the soil, which facilitates the pulling up of the roots. “It’s so easy”, he said, “You don’t even have to use gloves!” So this morning when it was clear that it was going to be the first sunny day in over a week, I put on my work clothes, grabbed some big paper bags and headed out the door. I was also brewing over some personal things that had gotten stirred up over the weekend so the thought of getting my hands dirty to help release unwanted energy sounded great. 

My intention was to pull up enough weeds to fill three bags. That way I would have a natural stopping point (so that I’d come upstairs to write my blog). Looking back I’m glad I established this limit. Weeding proved to be so much fun I could have gone on all day. But I didn’t and now I have some earth-time lined up for all week.

So what did I learn in all of this? Why have I decided to share this today?

Well for starters it amused me to think that this process of weeding reminded me of what it’s like to pull out deep-seated negative beliefs. Oftentimes this can be pretty hard, especially when we don’t see the beliefs that lie in our unconscious, although we feel these influencing our life.

Today, in the same way that previous storms helped the weeds come out like butter, a weekend of being “shaken up” by the tempestuous currents of change made it easier to understand what I didn’t want to carry anymore in my personal life. “Out with the moodiness! Out with the feelings of victim!” I exclaimed. Physical pulling weeds out made it so much more fun, tangible and real, especially when I hit those more stubborn ones that still needed a bit of elbow grease to release their grip. Ah…the satisfaction! I filled my three bags in a record forty minutes and delighted in tossing them into our big green compost bin. It’s almost as if I was tossing my problems away, trusting that this embodied process of weeding loosened both the grip of my challenging beliefs inside of me and gave back to Mother Earth what needed be recycled anew.

Ok, check. Then the second thing I took away was this- we don’t have to tackle everything at once. We can do a bit at a time. The total area that I weeded today couldn’t have been much bigger than 3ftx3ft. This is about 15% of what’s needed. On a normal day I may have kept going or walked away feeling that the job was undone. Today I smiled in contentment. I looked at the fruit of my labor- it was perfect. One succulent uncovered, the rest could wait. The same applied to my personal work- one insight gained, enough to celebrate. Many times we spend so much time “healing” we don’t revel in the small steps gained (which are often huge!) We strive for perfection and lose sight that we already are. We long for the light, when in the dark lies our rich fertile soil. Life needs both dark and light to thrive. So do I.

And finally, I was reminded that all slimy creepy creatures have their place in the world. I jumped at the first sight of a worm, breathed and then settled down again. The next one didn’t startle me as much and by the end of a half and hour I was pulling weeds out left and right without a care in the world (i.e. whether or not a critter got me!) I realized these slimy creatures felt “unknown” because I don’t spend enough time with them; our initial encounter made me pretty nervous. But similar to our relationship with our shadow (which can feel slimy and elusive as well), the more we spend time with the scary creatures in the underworld and the parts of us we hide and hide from, the less scary they become. It’s a win-win: life shakes up what we don’t want to see, and we get to know our shadow and challenging beliefs. And the loosened soil helps us pull out what we no longer want. It can’t get better than that!

Happy weeding folks!

Winds of Change

Just stop and listen Elizabeth. Feel the sun on your skin, the sound of the flute in the air, and the breath in your lungs. The birds chirp outside. It’s a new day, one with endless possibilities. Will you see them? Will you embrace what comes your way?

Each day starts off fresh. Each day we have the opportunity to walk in the world awake, alive and fully human. Do we take that risk? What stops us? Ah…so many things. Be it our full schedules, our “pre-determined” personality, or our rush to “get somewhere”, we lose track of where is it we are really trying to go. Where is this place? When will we finally “get there”? When did we, along the way, lose our element to be surprised by Life?

Today, in my morning playtime with my daughter Ixchel, I was taught the pleasure of engaging in the newness of things. By this I don’t mean acquiring new things but rather participating in the novelty of them, time and time again. A lamp is not just a lamp, but it becomes a sea of wonder for the little hands who have never touched it before. Yes, maybe she had seen it before from afar, but today I finally let her touch this mysterious object so strange in texture and shape. She stared at it and turned it round and round in her hands. Then, when I unexpectedly flipped the light switch on and off, her eyes widen in utter amazement. “Wow…how fascinating!” I could feel her say…light, switch, light, on, off, light, lamp, all of these new things flickering through her being and forever changing her experience of the world.

How often do we just sit and experience the world around us with the newness it deserves? How often do we let the simplest things tickle us with delight? Nothing is permanent, nothing is ever fixed. Everything around us is in constant flux, even the chair we sit on or the computer at which I write. Can we come to it with fresh new eyes?

The past couple of weeks have been of tremendous change for humanity. Revolutions in the Middle East, a devastating tsunami in Japan- the world as we know it is changing, all the time. Can we see the newness in all of this? In such dramatic change, can we envision new life?

Life and death are part of the same cycle. We are midwifed into life and then we are midwifed into death. They are both a rite of passage meant to challenge our ability to step into who we really are, at all times. As one of my teachers would say- what is important are not the structures of life themselves (these are ever changing), but the essence that composes them.

I have faith that we have the capacity to transition into a new era. In fact I know it is already happening. Yet I also know that stagnant structures will die. What no longer serves us will expire, even if we attempt to hold on to them tight. For me this is the lesson of the last years. From the burst of the stock market to the increasing widespread natural disasters - let go of what’s rotting, make room for the new.

We’ve done this before. We’ll do this again. Take courage and face your fears of change. Learn to let go. What else is worth living for…

The Value of Vitality

It seems as if the work I have been called to do these days is not as much about money as it is about “vitality”. Curiously, these two things go hand in hand. Money is often placed in the realm of the second chakra, which is also the home of sexuality and vitality. In fact I sometimes find that when a client is stuck in a vicious cycle of “not experiencing enough” (money) in their life, they feel a lack or stuck-ness of vitality as well.

Vitality however, as my mentors Marina Romero and Ramon Albareda would say, is much more than sex or even sensuality. It is the essence that pertains to our primary, vital world. It is our deepest connection to Life, one that lies beneath all of our sexual tendencies, stories and taboos. Vitality is about walking in this world fully alive and fully human, letting Life fill us up every step of the way. It is like an erect flower that beams and shines, participating in its own beauty, but that also knowing that “this too shall pass” as it lets go of its petals when its time.  

Our vital world connects us to our undifferentiated potential. These are the parts of us that have yet to come into form or being. It is like the womb that holds the un-birthed child. In this place of darkness, life is cultivated and nurtured until the time is right. We all know we can’t rush this process for if we do we risk aborting what is gestating inside. And yet we try….

Today I begin to see that our relationship to our vitality is different from our relationship to the material world. Matter takes on different forms. It is what helps us to “shape” life into what we envision or dream.  And yet all structures eventually expire, no matter permanent they may seem.

Vitality is not as a “thing” but rather as a “process”- kept alive and in motion by the essence of creating and re-generating life. Like breathing, it is so natural to us we do not even need to know it’s there- it sustains us everyday. But how deep do we let that breath go? How shallow or profound is our connection to Life?

By finding what blocks our breath we can take in gulps of fresh air. The same lies true for our vitality- when we find what blocks the process of experiencing life freely, we can feel rejuvenated by life’s fountain every day. Be it fear, tension or anything else that consumes our everyday experience, when we open to it and relax into the tide pool of life, it no longer “imprisons” us with concrete walls but can naturally begin to release its petals and expire. Inhale…exhale…the natural cycle of life. Maybe this is the “financial/material freedom” we are really looking for- the freedom to feel secure in our-selves as we change and grow every day of our lives. 

True Worth? Embracing Our Deepest Needs

Oftentimes the hardest things to ask for are what we want most. Be it the need for an adventure, for our deepest dreams to be supported, or for an intimate moment with our partners, speaking needs is scary, overwhelming and yet, extremely important. 

In the language of money archetypes, the Martyr has the most trouble expressing needs. Instead of asking for what it wants, the martyr becomes passive-aggressive and gives with strings attached hoping that someday someone will pay enough attention to give back what he/she has always wanted to initially receive. The martyr blames its frustration on the material world and on the lack of “true attention” from others. If money is tight, the martyr appears to be the first one to sacrifice its material needs, but in reality he/she is grumbling inside saying “There is never enough for what I need”.

And then to further complicate matters, the martyr frequently doesn’t even know how to receive what it wants in return. Why? Because receiving would mean accepting that the universe is paying attention, that needs can be met and fulfilled, and here’s the kicker…, that we need to receive what we most deeply want. We are that worthy. Really?!? Yes, we are.

When I work with clients who embody the martyr, we start by peeling back the layers to identify their deepest desires- easier said than done. We would think that these “I-so-want-to-be-met” needs would be at the surface just waiting to jump at the chance of being seen. But in reality they are just what the name suggests- deep. We’ve spent years repressing them and believing them not to be a viable endeavor, so our most important needs are often stored in the deepest enclaves of our being and locked up. (and the key thrown away!)

Then how to access them then? There are infinite ways. But one that feels particularly pertinent to me today is that of working with the imagery that arises in those moments that we feel most connected to our deepest need. By feeling this connection you can begin to distinguish the essence of the need- what is the experience you are really want to obtain? When the essence is clear (felt and embodied), then the “how” becomes much more fluid. The final outcome becomes less important and the actual structure that the need takes on can always change shape.

I have to put my own words to the test today. After I finish writing I am off to do my own  “imagery” exercise with the feeling around creating my wedding. Getting married is something I’ve always dreamed about (hence, a deep need), but for many years this desire also got mixed up with the cultural messages of what constituted a “perfect wedding” (and hence, what that “looked” like). This enmeshment was so strong I couldn’t quite see what it was I wanted in all it and in the first round of trying I got lost in the details and planning of the food, party and festivities and couldn’t see the bigger picture unfolding right in front of my face.

This time around I’m a bit older and a bit wiser. I know that what I most desire is a certain feeling of embodying the archetypes of marriage. In my personal journey, that means throwing Hera and Aphrodite into the wedding pot and seeing what comes out. It means embodying sacred marriage through ceremony, celebration and dance. Where will it go from there? I’ll let you know after I do my morning imagery-exercise. But what I do know already, from deep in my gut, is that the value of living my need has no price (even though material limitations will actually help guide me in this process). Finding the courage to speak my need, follow its own timing, and receive/accept what Life sends back is essential is laying the foundation for my self-worth.

Yes I can do this! In fact, I have to do this, this so that I can trust that I will be the first and most important person who continually says “yes” to “me”.

What We Most Resist Brings Us "Home"

Last night I was reminded of how parenting takes us to our edge. Through our relationship with our children we see sides of ourselves that nothing else has the power of invocation. And oftentimes, they are the parts of ourselves that we most would like to hide which then surface to be seen.

Last night my visitor was one that I know quite well- mon cheri anger. It visits me often when things do not go my way, when I am taken out of my comfort zone and especially when it external circumstances (like a teething baby at 1am) get in the way of my basic needs like eating and sleep. So leave it to my precious daughter Ixchel to know exactly how to invite anger to my bed!

There it came, in full force and in its entire splendor. Fortunately my partner had just come home from work and willing took on the task of attempting to get her to go back to sleep. That did not necessarily allow me to go back to sleep, but it did give me some space to simply be. I knew that anger, being such a frequent visitor, had something to say. And so even if I was not happy with the time of night that it decided to knock on my door, I gave it a (half-hearted) welcome.

I lay there and allowed the anger to travel through my body, consuming me to my core. I knew it wasn t directed at anyone in particular; it was all mine. I tried to be curious and follow its lead- what did it look like? Where was it going? What the heck was it trying to say? Slowly it began to take shape.

I saw my anger as a source of my passion. It was red and hot. It filled barrels of wine with the little red candy fire balls that I used to eat as a child. It was like Aphrodite at my wedding.

These little red balls kept coming and coming, until the barrels overflowed. I watched them with puzzlement; I watched them with interest. Then it hit me- these little red balls were the source of my abundance. They were my currency. They were my unending, unlimited source of supply. They just kept coming and coming, whether I liked it or not.

They weren t necessarily bad. In fact once I stopped seeing them just as anger, they had no charge. they just were! Little red balls, shiny and beautiful, full of life, and the best part was that I had so much of them to go around.

This morning I woke up a little tender from that image and only now, as Ixchel naps, can I take a moment to reflect on what it means. I see how years of fighting against my anger has only kept me at war with myself. I have spent too much energy on this, wasted. Years of personal growth have helped me turn to my anger, embrace it and attempt to see if for what it is. Yet somehow those efforts had still had not felt complete. (Often because when we are told to do that the next question out of our mouths is How?). I still did not know what to do with my anger or how to really welcome this unwanted visitor into my home.

Today I begin to see it differently. I see that anger is not an undesired guest, it is actually an essential key- without it I will never feel complete. Denying it is denying a huge part of myself- the part that is intrinsically connected to the vital flow of life that sometimes quickens and intensifies when unexpected things come my way. It is in those unexpected moments that Life has the potential of taking on that magical quality we all desire. How so? Well, when things do not turn out the way we plan, when we are stretched to the limit, then there is space for spirit to come through. Then we are connected to Life and something greater. Here we let go of control.

Indigenous weavers always leave a hole in their woven creations. Call it a mistake; call it an imperfection- it doesn't matter. It serves as a spirit hole to let spirit in. It is the crack in our shell that actually assumes that in our imperfection we are already perfect- so let's quit trying to do live the obvious.

Funny, being shaken last night allows me to see just how much I still hold on to control. I waste my energy in the fight and as a result am more exhausted because of it. I deprive myself of the very thing that feeds me life. But as I sit here now and simply breathe- not even trying to accept it but allowing my anger to take its necessary place in my body I feel more connected to myself than I have in days. In fact I feel that there is nowhere to go, nothing to do. This is me fueled by life, supported from within. Ironic, isn't it? Yes, but so very real.