Enough-ness: The Antidote to Scarcity

In all of the years that I have worked as an Inner Economist, one of the biggest lessons that comes back to me time and time again is this- Money, per se, doesn’t bring a sense of enough-ness, it is only a medium of exchange; this experience must come from within.

This may seem simple and straightforward enough, but make no mistake, most people don’t live this way. Money is often our biggest obsession, (at times I know it’s mine). We think that more money represents security, we feel successful when money comes into our accounts but not when it goes out, and we rest in times of growth and stress in times of depression.

Don’t get me wrong, I too feel good when there is a little more money to go around. I “play” more, I take bigger risks, and I don’t feel so crunched when something goes wrong. But that doesn’t solve the initial problem- do I feel enough?

Enough-ness is an experience that brings on a certain peace with the world- we feel at home in our surrounding environment and in our skin. We feel that in that moment we need nothing else because we “have” everything we need to feel complete. It is often fleeting- it can leave as quickly as it comes. Yet the presence of enough-ness, however so short, can teach us some invaluable things.

When we feel “enough” we don’t feel the need to consume as much. Why? Because we’re already full. It’s like the end of an immensely satisfying meal- we’re so full of goodness and life we just want to sit and relish the moment. Life is good.

When we’re enough we experience our true worth. We know we have a place in the world and an unique gift to give. In these moments we don’t doubt, we know. And in this knowing we live from a place of deeper sacred connection to the living world.

Enough-ness is a gift. It is the gift we give ourselves when we make than journey within and discover what is that one (or few) things that sustains of sense of be-ing in the world. When we unconditionally accept what our deepest being wants to express and bring forth its manifestation, we find meaning in our everyday. We begin to see that opportunities (independent of the money we have) abound. We feel full. There is enough. In fact there is more than enough to go around.

Discovering enough-ness only takes a moment. Close your eyes, ask yourself what is the life you were meant to live? Listen deeply. Keep asking. You hear the clues.

Practicing Intensity

I had thought that my blog for the week would be on “the power of “No”. This has been a very pertinent subject for me as the parent of an almost-2-year-old (and rest assure I’ll blog on it soon!) But as I was driving Ixchel home from co-op today, listening to her increasingly growing cries of anger and frustration of being strapped into her car seat and feeling my own familiar discomfort with it all, I knew that what I would actually be writing about- the practice of embracing intensity.

Embracing intensity is one of the hardest things we’ll ever learn how to do. When the going gets tough we often fight or flight. I’m of the “flight-ing” type. When a situation gets overwhelming hard I can feel my body tighten and I long to escape to my favorite place in the world- under the covers. My whole physiology seems to want to close (out of habit and protection) and many times I give in. Nonetheless over the years I have found the courage and gained tools to stand up in difficult moments. I learned that intensity won’t kill me and that even though my heart may feel like it’s breaking but it will survive. I know I will be stronger in the long run, and yet… I find embracing intensity is still one of the hardest things to do.

So just imagine the 17 months I’ve had to practice with my daughter Ixchel. Not only does a baby push all of our edges to the max, they have the special talent of knowing how to find those hidden buttons that challenge us to our core. For me it’s been the car seat.

In normal circumstances I don’t mind if Ixchel cries. I know it’s just one more way of her communicating to the world. In fact I know crying helps “stabilize” babies by allowing them to find an internal rhythm that re-organizes their world until the desired change is made by their caretakers. Crying has its wisdom. I can totally hang with it if I can reach out and hold her. Now that’s the catch. There are moments when I can’t.

In the car, and especially when I’m driving, I get totally stressed when Ixchel starts crying. It feels like there is nothing I can do. My practical brain knows I can try to distract her, sing her a song, give her a snack, etc. and god-forbid I try. But as the crying goes on and on, I feel myself begin to close. I know it’s my body trying to protect itself from letting in too much pain. Hearing your own baby cry without being able to hold her is torture. The closing begets the tightness which then produces the embodied stress. It’s exhausting! I arrive whenever I am going vowing never to venture out unless it’s naptime when she falls asleep in the car (and then…. I feel trapped).  Ah, the vicious cycle.

Fortunately as the months have gone by it has become easier. We’ve turned her car seat around so that she can see where she’s going. We found some great car snacks that really do keep her occupied. We’ve found music that we both jive to and have some great jam sessions in the car, etc. etc., one of the keys of successful parenting is to have a rotating bag of tricks.

But today as I drove her back from co-op and the crying began right on cue I realized that what had really changed was something deeper. Somewhere along the way I knew learned that as a parent I couldn’t prevent my child’s pain. If fact I wasn’t supposed it. It was bound to happen and it was better if it happened with me! Because then I could also teach her that with pain comes the joy of really feeling alive.

Practicing intensity invites me to step towards those really hard moments and relax. If I relax my body can open, no matter how hard it may feel. In that softening magic happens- we begin to feel safe in our own bodies and our pain can be used and absorbed. Pain becomes nourishment, not in the masochistic kind of way, but in the way of seeing pain as a life energy that expands the edges our being and creates more space. We realize that in the end there is nothing to fear but the fear itself, and living without fear is the greatest gift of all.

Exhale!... The Antidote of Scarcity

A recent client of mine emailed me yesterday with an interesting predicament. Her exact words were: “I'm missing a very important part of my money flow chart...having money. How do you do a spending plan when income is unstable and unpredictable? I'm experiencing a great deal of scarcity and having a difficult time even finding a job, let alone enough to cover what I have budgeted. I'm great at keeping track and entering in the numbers, still haven't been able to find a job where I have enough to cover all my expenses. Help!!” Well it got me thinking.

Yes, I could respond by saying- get a job, any job! To make ends meet. But unless this was a dire situation (which I would make sure to find out), I feel that this response would only feed into her sense of scarcity. The job market is tight. We all feel it. So what instead are we really being asked to do?

I offered her this- look at it from the other perspective, not by focusing on the “inhale” (a.k.a. the non-existent income) but bringing her attention the “exhale”. In other words, flip the lens around.

When we do this we begin to see that in the circular pattern of breathing and the cyclical configuration of recession and growth are different sides of the same coin. If we want to improve our inhale, we better look at how well we opening up space inside and letting go. If our exhale is short and tight, there is no room for deep breathes of fresh air (which have the possibility of rejuvenating in every waking moment). Or if our exhale is shorter than our inhale, our body is holding on.

To what? Not that is the question! In the world of money archetypes, the “Victim” has its shadow as well as its brilliance. Its wisdom is that it connects us to raw human experience. We know, we’ve lived, we feel. More often than not we gained this knowing through some pretty hard events, in some cases even traumatic. But if we hold on to this trauma, as a belief or stored in our hearts and body, the knowing gets overshadowed by a deeper hurt that keeps us stuck.

I’d ask my client: Where have you been hurt in the past? What are you still having trouble letting go of? What wisdom still needs to be seen? Then I’d tell her to go within to her Inner Economic council and sit with the archetypes to see what arises. Something always comes.

But if nothing does, I’d then say, go to the OTHER aspect of exhaling: What is the gift that wants to be released? (The real gift, our soul’s gift, not just what we’re good at). Life has a way of squeezing us in the process of discovering this gift, but this creative tension comes with a purpose- it helps us discern what has life behind it and what does not.

When we’ve discovered that gift (and here’s the catch- we usually actually know! We’re often just confused on how to deliver it), exhaling helps you direct your resources to where you want them to go.

So to all of us who struggle with the question: how do I sustain myself when I can’t even make ends meet? I’d say, go to your exhale….release, and redirect your resource. See what wants to be let go of and what wants to be delivered into the world.

The Next Stage of the Human Economy

I just finished reading Charles Einstein’s recent article in Ode Magazine (Sept 2011) titled, “Living in the Gift”. His closing statement was:

“The next stage of human economy will parallel what we are beginning to understand about nature. It will call forth the gifts of each of us; it will emphasize cooperation over competition; it will encourage circulation over hoarding; and it will be cyclical, not linear. Money may not disappear anytime soon, but it will serve a diminished role even as it takes on more of the properties of the gift. The economy will shrink, and our lives will grow”.

This last sentence really struck me: The economy will shrink, and our lives will grow. Why? Because it spoke to the other side of the coin- namely to the door that opens when another door is closed.

If our sight is only set on the first part of the sentence, “the economy will shrink”, what usually follows is anxiety and fear. We worry that our net worth will decrease; we fear that chaos will ensue economic destructuralization, and we are scared of losing any last semblance of prosperity and job security. In a nutshell we see the world as holding on by a thread.

Yet, when the second part of the sentence is added, “and our lives will grow” we see that the glass is not only half full of water, but that it also is overflowing. As the monopoly of money decreases there is room for us to “see” other things. We will realize that economics is not about money, but about the currency of exchange in relationships and the fulfillment of needs. We will see that true wealth is not accurately depicted by a numerical amount we may possess, but by the overall level of wellbeing we live by and express.  And we will wake up to the realization that what life is actually asking us to do is not accumulate more, but rather shed the layers that weigh us down and offer to each other the unique gift we came to produce in the world. In this process we shall “know” ourselves, and our lives will grow.

Charles goes on to write, “the original purpose of money was simply to connect human gifts with human needs”. What if instead of worrying about money we develop our gifts and discover our needs? What if instead of trying to bailout corporate debt we let certain doors close and structures expire? What if expand our notion of growth to that of the sheer act of generously giving of ourselves? Life would be different indeed. As E.F. Schumacher once said: “Small is beautiful”. When remember that our daily lives are composed by the sum of small things (which synergistically lead to great acts) we live more in the present moment.

Let the economy come back to its due size. Let our communities rebuild. Let us give of our gifts, and ourselves and learn how to intimately receive in return. A better world is possible.

Tantrums: When Emotional Growth Overtakes the Physical World

My young daughter began to express a new stage in her development today- her emotional world was growing faster than her physical ability to express it. As a result we have started to see what are commonly known as the “temper tantrums” of the famous terrible 2’s. (yes…already). I can see her brain and thoughts becoming more complex, but she doesn’t have the vocabulary to tell me her new needs. The seven words and five signs she has learned so far do not suffice.

As a parent it is an interesting experience. Her frustration is totally apparent and yet nothing seems to satisfy an expanded sense of want- wants of more exploration, more interaction, or more who knows what! From the books I have read and the advice passed on I know that one of the best approaches for tantrums are to simply let them subside- don’t pay too much attention to them and they will pass. Or others suggest distracting the child and pointing them in a new direction more accessible to their skill level and other needs.

Ok, this advice makes sense. And yet I remain curious. What is this phenomenon really? Contrary to popular definition (a temper tantrum is defined in the medical dictionary as: “a sudden outburst or violent display of rage, frustration, and bad temper, usually occurring in a maladjusted child and certain emotionally disturbed people”), I would argue that tantrums are actually the sign of emotional evolvement. They offer the potential for emotional intelligence and can plant seeds of knowing how to navigate the emotional world if they are seen simply for what they are- raw emotion.

One of my favorite definitions of emotions is energy in motion (e-motion).  I think it speaks to the fluidity of the experience of watching, witness and embodying emotions as they flow through your system. They always tend to pass, and we are always met with something new. The skill then is learning how to be in the constant dance of energy flowing through you- be it anger, rage, happiness, or frustration- without clinging to any one of them or judging one to be better than the other. (You’d be surprised how many other definitions I found that stated tantrums to be a fit of “bad” temper). We don’t live in a black and world. Tantrums are not bad; they are just simply hard. They are hard because they require patience. They ask that we shift our agenda, slow down and tend to them (even if means not trying to change them but simply accepting that they are there are letting them pass on their own). They are hard because they don’t fit nicely into a box. But then again, what really does?

As I write this I begin to see the hidden treasure in all of this. (And I do confess that I was writing with the intention of making more sense of what I’m experiencing with Ixchel). The take-away I get to is this:

• Tantrums are actually an invitation to slow down
•  Tantrums are inviting me to look a little closer in my child’s needs to see new strands of life, and
• Tantrums are a mirror for my own life. Am I expressing the frustrations I too feel when my own growth is not necessarily reflected back to me by the physical world?
  

As soul-centered psychologist Bill Plotkin would say- the main task of a child in his early years in the “nest” is ego formation and taking care of innocence. The ego is forming, a child begins to know more and more who they are, and yet they see the world through innocent eyes and a beginner’s mind.

Can I also embrace the anger and frustration as it emerges in my own stages of growth and maintain the playfulness of a child. That is my work as a parent and that is the gift Ixchel will give me every time she defiantly shakes her head and screams a big fat “NOOO!”.

The challenges…oh, they are many! Do I have the courage to do this in public? Will I even remember my words when push comes to shove? Or more importantly, do I even know how to let my emotions flow through me without judging and without grasping? Truthfully I feel this last point is the hardest one. But I am committed to giving it an honest try.

For those who dearly believe that the revolution starts at home- “be” with your emotions today. See what they are really trying to say.  Accept them for what they are and see where your own tantrums get socialized or repressed and then ask- what needs to be seen? Your soul will thank you, and so will I.